I typed long and nice entry. It is all GONE now, and I salvaged what I could. Currently feeling a little irritated.
Sometimes it just amazes me how we always say that humans are the most intelligent creatures of all, being on top of the food chain, etc. Maybe it is because of that that there is more space for error? See: the more complex something is, the more space for error, the higher chance of error. Like, you can't be wrong with 1+1=_ but if I asked you to solve f(34/x)= 23x[43/2y - 42x32y/128z(23432x + 322y)] and find the values of x, y, z, the margin for error would be bigger.
After reading about the most recent Virginia Tech shooting, my first reaction was to feel sad for the victims. My next reaction was to lambast the shooter, a student of the school. However, over the next few days, as the pieces of the puzzle fell into place, I began to felt sympathy for the shooter. No, I am not crazy. Just think of it: he was bullied, he was ostracised. People felt that he was weird. In short, he could not fit in properly. Troubled signs were there, like the fact that he wrote really dark poems and plays. It is not to say that he was absolved of all blame, but without cause there can not be an effect, and without effect no cause. There had to be something to trigger those negative feelings of his, which turned fatal.
I think if at least someone had stood up for him when he was bullied, if someone had noticed the warning signs, someone had cared at least a little for him, this might not have happened.
But the past can never be changed.
Was it entirely his fault that he went on a rampage? True, he knew what he was doing. He even prepared for it, as shown by the fact that the video(s) that he sent were taken on different occasions. But the human mind is unfathomable. Many factors have to be considered, and how the person reacts to it differs from person to person. I wish that we would learn from this, and bullying in schools will cease. In the same thread, ostracising against a person should stop too, as we all learn from this tragedy. But who am I to kid? Going by our track record, humans as a whole don't learn. Our collective history screams 'WAR IS BAD!', but we still go to war. History screams 'bullying will lead to disastrous consequences!', but we still fail to do enough to stop bullying.
Frankly, I think I'm turning into a cynic and I'm not liking it. I want to think that everyone has some good in them at least. Though that goodness might get overshadowed sometimes by bad, in the end that goodness will triumph. That is what I think.
Call me naive, call me silly, but I wish everything would be as when we were 5. That is the time when troubles meant choosing between a chocolate bar or a lollipop; when sex meant your gender; when being bad meant that you snatched that toy from your sibling. Everything was much simpler then. Aren't we all happiest then?
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I wish everyone was 5. When Barney and Sesame Street were the most interesting shows that you have ever seen. Rapists and murderers don't choose to be that at 5. School shooters surely do not start to plot then, or know what they will do. When you laugh 400 times a day as compared to 15 times. When enemies meant that you don't 'friend' that person for a day or 2, then made up. Punishment meant standing in a corner until you are sorry. 'Expensive' stuff meant that $25 plushie you saw that day. Pulling a tooth out was something to be very proud of. When being brave meant that you did not cry when you had that injection. Small injuries can be cured when your mummy or daddy kissed that boo-boo. You hit the 'naughty' floor for making you fall and everything was alright. Anorexia and bulimia were words that meant nothing to you. You were the 'prettiest girl' or 'most handsome boy' in daddy and mummy's eyes. When everything was going to be okay because daddy and mummy are there.
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The world is going crazy, sometimes everything that can go wrong is going wrong (*edit* Murphy's Law *edit*).
Why? Why the need for war? Why the need for devastation, for destruction and the obliteration of homelands, of homes, of family. Who suffers the most in such instances? It is the civilians who suffer the most in the crossfire. They did not ask to have a war, yet they bear the brunt of the damage.
It is not only the physical damage that is done to their homes and themselves; it is the intangible, yet causes the most hurt - the mental damage. The mental anguish, the loss of all that they hold dear. It is not the dead that feel the most pain; it is those still alive, saddled with the grief of losing their loved ones, burdened with the loss of their homes and homeland, given the task picking up the pieces of their broken life, that is, if the war is over, yet they have the strength and resillience that we do not. Will we have the fortitude to soldier on if such were to happen to us? I really have no idea. I think that it is usually through adversity that humanity shines through. It is during adversity that we can see the true nature of the human spirit shine through.
To me, to fight a war is to get into a lose-lose situation. In the end, more money would have to be poured into the country or state to restore it, to repair the inflicted damages. This, is human's wierd self-destructive ways. Look at the armaments race. Countries are either building up or renewing their armament cache. All for what? Are the people truly happier with destroyed houses, piles of dead bodies, and scars for life, both physical and mental?
Then it is ironic that sometimes a war has to be fought, so as to prevent a greater war, or to bring an ongoing war to a swifter end. Sometimes, wars are fought so as to 'liberate' the 'opressed' from their opressor. But is the 'liberators' the oppressors? They might even be worse than the 'opressors'. Take WWII. The Japanese drove the British out, saying that they are 'liberating' Singapore from the rule of the 'oppressors', the Japanese. In the end, they were worse rulers than the British ever was. Horror tales of 'comfort women', mass killings, among others, abound. I am not saying that all are bad, but the fact lies that it can work both ways.
In a few instances, the attackers say that it is for the greater good, for the good of the people, that it is what people want. Is it for the good for the people, the civilians under rule or for the upper echleons of society, the ruling people? Is that REALLY what the people want? I have no idea. That, only the said people can answer. I guess all they want is to be able to have enough to eat and wear, to live a live not exactly devoid of fear, but without the fear that a bomb might blast them to smithereens in an instant. They want a stable life, a better life. Is that what they are getting?
Life itself is unfair. Like the recent war ongoing in Lebanon. People killed, maimed injured, crippled, and they are innocent. They did not ask for the war. All too often the heaviest casualties and damage is inflicted on the civilians, on the people the war-starters say that the war is being fought for. Is this the way to go? Is humanity now so, wierd in a way that conflicts cannot be solved amicably?
How should I put it? A human's mind is unfanthomable. A person might not even understand themself. Misery, pain, anguish, they are but part of what a war can bring...
Previously, I hade a problem with typing an entry in BlogDrive using my Mac. Now, problem solved! It is now nearly the end of the semester. How time flies. Though the time has not been smooth sailing throughout, it has been a wonderful experience unto itself. How so? I made many friends. Now, lunch is a merry time. Not to say that previously in secondary school it is bad, but then now it is not unusual for around half the class to go for lunch breaks together. We sit together during lectures. We are so united.
Next year, ,we will most likely be seperated and put into different classes. Then, I wil really miss them all, the bonds between us. Class blog, class outings. There are even talks of class shoes, class boxers for guys(!), and stuff. Love this feeling. Love my class. Love them all.
Yes, I was 'missing' and not blogging for the longest time, but then my Mac could not access to Blogdrive. Or rather, I could not type an entry as the space to type was not there. It is now the end of the 6th week. The pressure is piling up. So many projects, so many deadlines. With me and my friends still adjusting to the method and pace at school, we were struggling to get on top of things. For the past few nights, I have slept at 2 and woken up at 6.30 to 7 so that I can be in school for meetings with my project groups. And all I can say is, poly life is not as easy as you think. Even so, I am having fun at the same time as I am working hard. My class is so united! I love my class. T105, you rock. We even have a blog! The site is www.T105.blogspot.com . Yes, take time to lok at it! Stressed up and still having fun at the same time. Sounds paradoxical right? But it is not. This is to all MCM T105'ers of 2006! Really, love you guys ^_^
School is officially starting on Monday, 24th April 2006. It is a totally new ball game, as the system is entirely different from what we have in primary and secondary schools. Will I adapt? Will I excel? Even with these worries in mind, I have enjoyed it so far, with the FOC camp and orientation. The lecturers are interesting. I believe that I can do it! Aiming for the top... Let us all work together and excel. Let us soar. Let us lend strength to each other, and we grow in strength as well as might together. We can and we will do it.
Yes, school is about to start soon for me. It starts on 24th April, and truth be told, I am glad that I am about to start school soon. A hiatus of nearly six months is too much for me. I have been idling for most of that time, and I am bored! Before this, if anyone told me that I was going to have a six month long holiday, I would be very happy. But now, I would rather have shorter holidays. Too much of a good thing is bad, as I have experienced... I know that when school starts, I would have to adapt to a totally different way and style of teaching in school. Challenges will doge my path. Keep them coming! I believe that i can do it, that i will triumph in the end. I will have the the determination and tenacity to cling to my beliefs. I have another two blogs, and you can visit them at www.iamme-unique.blogspot.comand www.schoolchronicles.blogspot.com . With that, I am signing off..
We met as strangers on the first day, feeling lost among the sea of new faces. Slowly, we warmed up to each other. Strangers became friends, quiet made way for chatter. We laughed, played, shouted and spent the four days together. Together, we conquered the Waterfall, Butterhill, and may others. FOC: I would never forget the times we spent and the experience...
FOC: A time to remember, Oannes: A group unforgettable, The time spent together: Memorable, The GLs: Super special!
Yes, I might have hit my head on the concrete floor(which hurts horribly then), gotten hit by water bombs to the side of my face at the eye area(fortunately I was lazy to use put on my contacts! My spectacles blocked most of the impact), then suffered swelling on the left side of my neck, but I really had loads of fun! If you asked me whether I would do that again if I could choose, I would answer with a resounding YES!! As for what happened during the camp, I would update another time as it is a LONG entry. My laptop cannot blog on Blogdrive, so when I get to use a computer that can blog on Blogdrive, I would log an entry.
Twinkle twinkle little stars, how I wonder how you are... When we were younger, we would gaze into the sky at night to admire the stars. Admire the bright moon hanging in the sky. Marveling at the wonders Nature has given us. However, as we grow up, we neglect to gaze up into the sky, at the stars twinkling, like fairy dust sprinkled above. Be honest: how many people have gazed into the starry skies within the past year, or even the past few years? The light we see from the stars can be millions of years old, taking that long to transverse the universe. Each star you see is a solar system by itself. Imagine the mysteries this seemingly infinite universe holds... Nowadays, we hear of more cases of teenagers committing suicide due to pressure. Whenever I read of such cases, I would lament the loss of a promising young life. At the same time, I would wonder why do they take the coward's way out. yes, they will not feel hurt any longer, but it would be the people they leave behind that feel the pain. Why not we start by learning how to relax a little? Take short breaks in between doing work, and do not put too much pressure on yourselves. At night, take a look out into the night sky. Admire and take more notice of your surroundings. Beauty is all around, but people still take it for granted. Take deep breaths and relax your mind, unclutter it. You will be able to think better too. Take time to enjoy life's little pressures. Be aware of everything around you, and enjoy. Take everything in your stride. Gaze out into the night sky, looking for the twinkling little stars....
It is amazing what everyday life can teach you. Many of the things you do, if u take a closer look, can teach you something. Actions that you take for granted can also be a lesson onto itself. Take crossing the Woodlands Checkpoint as an example. What can it teach me, many people must be thinking. The jams are frustrating and there is absolutely nothing that it can teach me. If you think so, think again. Recently, I was stuck in the jam at Woodlands Checkpoint at the Malaysian side, wanting to go home. Though it was a rather late hour, there were still many cars queueing to pass the customs. I was resigned to the fact that I would be stuck in the jam, crawling forward at a snail's pace. To my surprise, the jam could even be a case study. To me, it is compared to a battlefield where cars are fighting to emerge the victor in crossing the customs checkpoint first. At the beginning, there were four lanes for cars to line up. Later, it filtered to six lanes. After jostling, it cut down to three lanes. When we reached the petrol station, the lanes filtered to six again. Further upwards, it became a bottleneck, cutting down to three lanes. By some force of nature, it soon became six lanes again. As we were nearing the checkpoint, it became four lanes again. I watched with more than a little amusement and facination as cars from the extreme left made their way to the extreme right, and vice versa. They cut to the lane they percieve as the fastest, and all the cars made it their mission to follow the fastest lane. Cars cut into lanes a little dangerously, and if you were not alert, you could be pushed out of your queue, after which you would have to edge your way back in, no mean feat with the way some of the drivers were behaving. Cars in lanes which were not supposed to be there can and would cut edge you out of your lane. You would then find yourself not in a lane. It is not for the faint-hearted driver, as cars would be following your car at a very near distance to prevent cutting of their queue. In your first foray into this 'battlefield', be prepared for the action about to take place. It would be a good idea for a battle-scarred veteran to lead you out. A certain dose of bravery and daring is needed. So the next time when you are crossing the Woodlands checkpoint, make it a point to study the ongoings of the many cars in a jam. You would be surprised at what you can learn and discover in what you percieved as a common trip back home. Of course, do not just take me word for it. Observe, and learn what you can. Take what I said with a pinch of salt. Experience it for yourselves. You might be surprised...
'In winter, follow the brightest star in the sky to the top of the highest mountain. There you will find the Snow Angel, a flower encased in snow, preserving its beauty. It would grant you the thing that your heart yearns for...' Though it is for an idol series, Snow Angel, it made me think. Cynics might say:"Who believes all this nonsense? It is a fantasy tale for silly romantics. No such thing exists!" However, I think that the idea brings hope to people. The notation of everlasting love and hope is strong in the show. The misguided notation of love, as well as the selfless acts in the name of love... For love, she abandoned her status as a pampered daughter of a tycoon, and escaped an arranged marriage... For love, he began to believe in everlasting love, and went away with her... For love, they rather jump down a ravine together than be captured... Such earth-shaking love is very touching... They only wanted to be together. She was happier living in hardship with him than she was in a cocoon of wealth. Why do people have to break them up? Their undying affection for each other, their pledge of staying together forever... Their story would melt the hardest of hearts. Without their other half, life is meaningless, dull... "I would never let your hand go." This type of love happens only once in a lifetime... Yet they are continuously encountering obstacles. Is this heaven's will? Their tragic tale would touch your hearts... Their bittersweet ending would leave you speculating. "It can take just a day to love a person, but it can take a lifetime to forget." As they say, it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before. In some aspects that might be true, but if that love has seared all the way to the depths of your soul, the agony of losing that person will be very great... Like being banished to hell... Then you would just wished that you can forget everything, as it is hurting too much to remember.... I cannot comment overmuch as I have never experienced it before, and I can only glimpse at the depth of that kind of hurt. If it were up to me, I would rather experience that kind of all compassing love, irregardless of what might happen, rather than not to have loved before.....
--"Convectionality is the refuge of a stagnant mind."
--"If being wealthy costs you the right to relax and enjoy life, then the price of wealth is altogether too high."
--"The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. "
--"Language is a city to the building of which every human being brought a
stone." -Ralph Waldo Emerson, writer and philosopher (1803-1882)
--"To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men." -Abraham Lincoln, 16th US president (1809-1865)
--"People do not wish to appear foolish; to avoid the appearance of
foolishness, they are willing to remain actually fools." -Alice Walker,
writer (1944- )
